Removing the Mask May Ruffle Feathers

It feels like this whole year has been about looking inward, realising who we are, learning to love ourselves unconditionally and making decisions for us - not because it’s what’s expected, not because it keeps the peace, not because it meets someone else’s needs, but because it’s what feels right.

This was a process I truly started about two years ago, even though my healing journey began years earlier. I look back at who I was then with so much compassion. I love her so much. I’m proud of how she coped, of how she tried not to crumble under the weight of everything she was carrying. She wanted to honour who she was and what she deserved, but the truth is she couldn’t, not yet. So every day, she showed up the best she could, but the truth is, she was barely surviving.

She’d shame herself for not doing more, for not being stronger, for not being more. But the truth is she simply didn’t have the energy. Food and Netflix became comfort zones; spending money felt like a way to remind herself she still deserved nice things, but that only added more pressure. And dating? Don’t get me started. Being thrown into that new, confusing world of games, when you’re already raw and have no idea of the rules or how to ‘play’, is exhausting and honestly, depressing!

Back then, I didn’t understand that I was allowed to simply be. I thought survival was weakness, when really it was proof of immense strength. Because even in that fog, I was still here. I was still trying. I was still whispering to myself that maybe, just maybe, things could and would eventually be different.

And now? Looking back, I see how necessary that season was. It stripped me down. It forced me to see the parts of myself I’d avoided. It showed me what I truly needed - not validation, not someone to rescue me, not a quick distraction, but deep rest, love, and patience with myself.

That’s the thing about these in-between chapters of life: they feel endless, like you’re stuck in a loop. But they’re also where the groundwork is laid for everything that comes next. It’s the uncomfortable pause before the new beginning.

This September feels like one of those moments collectively - a doorway of change. A reminder that even if you feel like you’re just surviving, it’s not wasted time. You’re preparing. You’re gathering. You’re healing in ways you might not yet see.

It feels like we’re moving into a timeline split, with honest people beginning to see through the lies and dishonesty they have been fed and believed; a split between those who are truly wanting to live authentically and those who remain stuck being who or what they think they have to be; not being totally true to themselves or others, for whatever reason, not malicious, just stuck in the narrative they have always followed.

For those of us who are ready, it’s about seeing things as they are, not as you’d like them to be; being who you are, not who you’ve been trying to be. As a reformed people-pleaser, I’m actually starting to enjoy this phase! Yes, I sometimes feel a little selfish, but I also understand that there’s nothing wrong with being selfish for the right reasons. I’m not intentionally hurting or upsetting people, instead I’m intentionally NOT hurting or upsetting myself, and that’s gold.

Being authentic is being the best version of ourselves, because we are not having to try, we are not putting on a show, we are acting, no not acting, just living, in genuine alignment with who we are at our core and that allows our nervous system to calm!

Now one of the biggest problems with dropping the act and being true to ourselves is that other people are used to the act, and may be quite attached to it! You will find that people you love might be offended by the real you, and conversely, you might feel like you no longer have anything in common with some of your closest people. People may start to frustrate you and although you might be upset about the gap that slowly appears between you, you won’t want to return to the performance just to keep the status quo. But as much as you let go of relationships that no longer feed you, you all align with others that truly do; new people that get you, that resonate with your values, a connection that is genuine and requires no pretense. This is where we’re heading, to this seemingly mythical existence where we can feel fully whole, fully supported and fully able to exhale. 

If I could go back and sit with the version of me two years ago, I’d tell her this: You are not failing. You are building. Even on the days when it feels like nothing is changing, everything is shifting beneath the surface. Trust the slowness. Trust the becoming. Trust your intuition because it knows who you really are. 

And maybe you need that reminder too.

Because wherever you are right now, in survival mode, in transition, or at the edge of something new, watching as you start losing people and things that are not supposed to come with you, this season is asking you to believe that you are moving forward, even when it looks like the exact opposite! The doorway is open, the only thing you need to do is walk through, at your own pace, in your own way.